Accepting that without God I am nothing

What if everything fell from underneath you? What if all of the walls and masks you put up came down, were torn from you and you were left standing naked without anything to cover who you really were? Sounds horrible doesn’t it?  The truth is that I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am.  I fear being found out.  I know that I am not what I was created to be and surely not who I want to be.  I know that there is so much potential inside of me and yet, I can never reach it.   When everything is torn from underneath and I am left with just myself and nowhere to hide, I am afraid of what people will see and think of me. Will they still love me if they knew______? What would they think of me if they knew ______ about me?! They surely cannot know that I’m not perfect! I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am; I am not enough.

 

Sure, we may put up walls; we may work our entire lives building up the person who we want to, or wish we were for everyone around us. We want to look the part; we want to be the person that everyone loves and look up to. We want to be admired, and leave a positive impression on those that we come into contact with.  We want to make a difference.

 

So I compare myself to those around me; trying to measure up, compete and prove something to SOMEONE. Because of the intense pressure and competition I begin to build myself up with my talents, gifts, achievements, appearance, wealth, vehicles, homes, family, ANYTHING that will build me up a few notches over the person next to me.  As long as I am beating SOMEONE I must be doing ok right?? Why does life always seem to be one big competition?  We forget that life is not meant to be about competing and measuring up to someone else or someone else’s standards.  Who cares what other people think of us, they should have no say and no authority in our lives…  Though I will battle back and forth pretending that I don’t, I do care what other people think of me; I wonder what they see when they look at me and I hope that they see the good in me. I often find myself looking at other people and comparing their beauty, their body image, their clothes, their circumstances to my own.  I find myself being envious of some and wishing I had ____, and I find myself a little boosted when I see others because in some sort of way I have judged that I am better than them. WHAT?  Why do I do this?  Doesn’t scripture even say that we will be judged according to our own judgments?  Well, that is NOT good news for me. All too often I take the place of God, I people watch and without realizing it, I compare myself to each person that walks in front of me.  Where does this come from? Why would I do something that either brings me down, or puts other people down in my mind?  Somehow I enjoy it and am entertained by it,  I hate that.  I believe it is because when it comes down to it I am trying to figure out if I am enough; I am trying to figure if I measure up to those around me and if I have what it takes to succeed in this life. The world has sent me on a wild goose chase.  I hear the constant screaming at me from the TV, movies, billboards, magazines, etc., the screaming is telling me how I should look and what I NEED in order to be happy and succeed in life.  And the search continues… because the search is one without life and there will never be a point where I reach that which I am searching for.  This search leaves me feeling like I don’t have what it takes because clearly I’m not succeeding like those around me.  I search around me and compare in order to see if those around me “have it” or not.  Clearly I don’t have it… that is what I keep hearing and I can’t seem to find it;  maybe looking at those around me will help me figure out how to get what I need.  I keep searching, I keep hoping; hoping that my efforts, work or my gifts will somehow be enough and I will reach that (impossible) height of success and happiness.

 

 It’s a lost cause. I will never find what I am looking for that way.

 

When I finally realized that this search has been full of air, false hopes and dreams, I believe I began the true journey to discover who I am. Might I add that this journey is no simple skip through the flowers either.  This journey may be even more difficult than the first, but in a different way.  Once I realize that who I am has NOTHING to do with what I do, how much I accomplish, how successful I am at work, how much I exercise, how often I volunteer, how much those around like me, how big my home is, how successful my (future) children are, how skinny I am, how smart I am, etc., than I can begin the true journey to discovering who I am In Christ. I cannot define myself on anything apart from Christ. I cannot hold up all of my efforts and accomplishments in order to tell me who I am; those things say nothing about me. Yes, those things are mostly good, but they are not what define me, and they cannot be what is holding me up; I cannot depend on those things to define me.

 

Things that can be taken away from us cannot be what define us.  What happens when they are taken away?  What if you are the star athlete of a soccer team and suddenly you lose your ability to run?  What would define you? Would you suddenly lose all worth and value to your life? Would you feel lost and confused about who you are?! And what if you are the VP of a major corporation that suddenly goes bankrupt? Your success and high income no longer exist…what defines you?  What if you are dating this amazing person and you define yourself based off of that relationship; suddenly the relationship is broken off, can you find yourself and your value even though you don’t have that relationship to define you?

 

Maybe your identity hasn’t been placed in a sport or career.  Maybe it is something seemingly simple and so small that you haven’t even realized it.  Maybe you can do things on your own and you don’t need God because you are already talented, naturally gifted. Frankly, things come easily to you so you havent actually had to worry about any of this stuff.

 

No matter how sturdy any of those things seem to be, they can and will fall.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to stand when the things and achievements that we are standing on can easily fall and crumble beneath our own two feet. No matter what it is, whether a talent, gift, experience, accomplishment, ANYTHING apart from God cannot define us.

 

Our identity has to be solely in the Lord and who he says we are; we can never be stripped of that.

 

This is a hard lesson to learn.  No matter who you are, at some point you have placed your identity and defined yourself based upon different experiences, accomplishments, talents, etc., in your life.  It is not something you do intentionally; most often you won’t even realize you have done it.   But if you truly desire to become who God has created you to be, he will begin to strip you of the things that you have built your identity upon that is not him. He will take away the things that you depended on because He wants you to depend solely on Him. He will strip you of the things that you felt strong in in order to teach you that apart from him you are not strong.  It is only in His strength that you can accomplish anything.  Sure, for a short time you are capable of doing things on your own, but sooner or later those THINGS will be knocked from underneath you and you will be forced to choose what you will do. Will you search for another mask and hide yourself in something else in order to keep up the face of someone who has it all together? Or will you surrender and humbly acknowledge that you need God’s strength and without him you are nothing.  The latter is painful, but it takes you through a beautiful process of changing and becoming the person that God has created you to be.  Yes, it is painful to see that you are not who you thought you were. It is painful to realize that all you had built up has fallen to nothing.  It is difficult to see that the positive things that categorized and defined you, no longer exist and you are left standing naked in front of others… and you have nothing to hide behind. You may be forced to just be yourself and that is the best thing. It is ok if you are not perfect, to be perfect is an unrealistic expectation. And if those around you expect that of you, maybe you need new friends.  The true friends will see the real you, the broken and imperfect person, and they will embrace you as you are. And hopefully, God willing, they will feel the freedom to embrace their own imperfections and see that they are in need of God’s strength and begin to depend on him for grace and strength as well.

 

 It is a hard process but I believe this is where we need to come to in order to truly recognize that we are NOTHING without God.  This is where we find who we truly are and begin to discover who our God is. I believe that this is often where we need to be brought in order to realize our complete dependence on God. It is during this time that we come humbly before the Lord because we have recognized our own failures and imperfections and we can no longer hide from them. They have been put in front of our face and we can no longer hide behind the walls we have put up for so long. We can no longer hide behind our strengths because for some reason they are not there.  You don’t know where to grab hold of because everything you were holding on to has disappeared.  Grab hold of God, his strength will get you through each and every day.   As you do this you will slowly and painfully begin to embrace and come face to face with who God is creating you to be.  Be ready to embrace the imperfections and be willing to admit that you are completely dependent on God and apart from him you can do nothing.

 

Lord, teach us not to run away from our imperfections, but rather to embrace them and bring them to you. Give us strength each day, help us to look to you for strength and guidance in this life. WIthout you, we can do nothing. You are our source of all that is good within us and I pray that you would help each and every one of us to keep our eyes focused and fixed on you. Teach us Lord, lead us and guide us. Strip away our masks and unveil who you have created us to be and may we be ok being completely dependent upon you. We love you Lord. We honor you and thank you for your love and for who you are. It is in Jesus name I pray all these things, amen.