Accepting that without God I am nothing

What if everything fell from underneath you? What if all of the walls and masks you put up came down, were torn from you and you were left standing naked without anything to cover who you really were? Sounds horrible doesn’t it?  The truth is that I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am.  I fear being found out.  I know that I am not what I was created to be and surely not who I want to be.  I know that there is so much potential inside of me and yet, I can never reach it.   When everything is torn from underneath and I am left with just myself and nowhere to hide, I am afraid of what people will see and think of me. Will they still love me if they knew______? What would they think of me if they knew ______ about me?! They surely cannot know that I’m not perfect! I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am; I am not enough.

 

Sure, we may put up walls; we may work our entire lives building up the person who we want to, or wish we were for everyone around us. We want to look the part; we want to be the person that everyone loves and look up to. We want to be admired, and leave a positive impression on those that we come into contact with.  We want to make a difference.

 

So I compare myself to those around me; trying to measure up, compete and prove something to SOMEONE. Because of the intense pressure and competition I begin to build myself up with my talents, gifts, achievements, appearance, wealth, vehicles, homes, family, ANYTHING that will build me up a few notches over the person next to me.  As long as I am beating SOMEONE I must be doing ok right?? Why does life always seem to be one big competition?  We forget that life is not meant to be about competing and measuring up to someone else or someone else’s standards.  Who cares what other people think of us, they should have no say and no authority in our lives…  Though I will battle back and forth pretending that I don’t, I do care what other people think of me; I wonder what they see when they look at me and I hope that they see the good in me. I often find myself looking at other people and comparing their beauty, their body image, their clothes, their circumstances to my own.  I find myself being envious of some and wishing I had ____, and I find myself a little boosted when I see others because in some sort of way I have judged that I am better than them. WHAT?  Why do I do this?  Doesn’t scripture even say that we will be judged according to our own judgments?  Well, that is NOT good news for me. All too often I take the place of God, I people watch and without realizing it, I compare myself to each person that walks in front of me.  Where does this come from? Why would I do something that either brings me down, or puts other people down in my mind?  Somehow I enjoy it and am entertained by it,  I hate that.  I believe it is because when it comes down to it I am trying to figure out if I am enough; I am trying to figure if I measure up to those around me and if I have what it takes to succeed in this life. The world has sent me on a wild goose chase.  I hear the constant screaming at me from the TV, movies, billboards, magazines, etc., the screaming is telling me how I should look and what I NEED in order to be happy and succeed in life.  And the search continues… because the search is one without life and there will never be a point where I reach that which I am searching for.  This search leaves me feeling like I don’t have what it takes because clearly I’m not succeeding like those around me.  I search around me and compare in order to see if those around me “have it” or not.  Clearly I don’t have it… that is what I keep hearing and I can’t seem to find it;  maybe looking at those around me will help me figure out how to get what I need.  I keep searching, I keep hoping; hoping that my efforts, work or my gifts will somehow be enough and I will reach that (impossible) height of success and happiness.

 

 It’s a lost cause. I will never find what I am looking for that way.

 

When I finally realized that this search has been full of air, false hopes and dreams, I believe I began the true journey to discover who I am. Might I add that this journey is no simple skip through the flowers either.  This journey may be even more difficult than the first, but in a different way.  Once I realize that who I am has NOTHING to do with what I do, how much I accomplish, how successful I am at work, how much I exercise, how often I volunteer, how much those around like me, how big my home is, how successful my (future) children are, how skinny I am, how smart I am, etc., than I can begin the true journey to discovering who I am In Christ. I cannot define myself on anything apart from Christ. I cannot hold up all of my efforts and accomplishments in order to tell me who I am; those things say nothing about me. Yes, those things are mostly good, but they are not what define me, and they cannot be what is holding me up; I cannot depend on those things to define me.

 

Things that can be taken away from us cannot be what define us.  What happens when they are taken away?  What if you are the star athlete of a soccer team and suddenly you lose your ability to run?  What would define you? Would you suddenly lose all worth and value to your life? Would you feel lost and confused about who you are?! And what if you are the VP of a major corporation that suddenly goes bankrupt? Your success and high income no longer exist…what defines you?  What if you are dating this amazing person and you define yourself based off of that relationship; suddenly the relationship is broken off, can you find yourself and your value even though you don’t have that relationship to define you?

 

Maybe your identity hasn’t been placed in a sport or career.  Maybe it is something seemingly simple and so small that you haven’t even realized it.  Maybe you can do things on your own and you don’t need God because you are already talented, naturally gifted. Frankly, things come easily to you so you havent actually had to worry about any of this stuff.

 

No matter how sturdy any of those things seem to be, they can and will fall.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to stand when the things and achievements that we are standing on can easily fall and crumble beneath our own two feet. No matter what it is, whether a talent, gift, experience, accomplishment, ANYTHING apart from God cannot define us.

 

Our identity has to be solely in the Lord and who he says we are; we can never be stripped of that.

 

This is a hard lesson to learn.  No matter who you are, at some point you have placed your identity and defined yourself based upon different experiences, accomplishments, talents, etc., in your life.  It is not something you do intentionally; most often you won’t even realize you have done it.   But if you truly desire to become who God has created you to be, he will begin to strip you of the things that you have built your identity upon that is not him. He will take away the things that you depended on because He wants you to depend solely on Him. He will strip you of the things that you felt strong in in order to teach you that apart from him you are not strong.  It is only in His strength that you can accomplish anything.  Sure, for a short time you are capable of doing things on your own, but sooner or later those THINGS will be knocked from underneath you and you will be forced to choose what you will do. Will you search for another mask and hide yourself in something else in order to keep up the face of someone who has it all together? Or will you surrender and humbly acknowledge that you need God’s strength and without him you are nothing.  The latter is painful, but it takes you through a beautiful process of changing and becoming the person that God has created you to be.  Yes, it is painful to see that you are not who you thought you were. It is painful to realize that all you had built up has fallen to nothing.  It is difficult to see that the positive things that categorized and defined you, no longer exist and you are left standing naked in front of others… and you have nothing to hide behind. You may be forced to just be yourself and that is the best thing. It is ok if you are not perfect, to be perfect is an unrealistic expectation. And if those around you expect that of you, maybe you need new friends.  The true friends will see the real you, the broken and imperfect person, and they will embrace you as you are. And hopefully, God willing, they will feel the freedom to embrace their own imperfections and see that they are in need of God’s strength and begin to depend on him for grace and strength as well.

 

 It is a hard process but I believe this is where we need to come to in order to truly recognize that we are NOTHING without God.  This is where we find who we truly are and begin to discover who our God is. I believe that this is often where we need to be brought in order to realize our complete dependence on God. It is during this time that we come humbly before the Lord because we have recognized our own failures and imperfections and we can no longer hide from them. They have been put in front of our face and we can no longer hide behind the walls we have put up for so long. We can no longer hide behind our strengths because for some reason they are not there.  You don’t know where to grab hold of because everything you were holding on to has disappeared.  Grab hold of God, his strength will get you through each and every day.   As you do this you will slowly and painfully begin to embrace and come face to face with who God is creating you to be.  Be ready to embrace the imperfections and be willing to admit that you are completely dependent on God and apart from him you can do nothing.

 

Lord, teach us not to run away from our imperfections, but rather to embrace them and bring them to you. Give us strength each day, help us to look to you for strength and guidance in this life. WIthout you, we can do nothing. You are our source of all that is good within us and I pray that you would help each and every one of us to keep our eyes focused and fixed on you. Teach us Lord, lead us and guide us. Strip away our masks and unveil who you have created us to be and may we be ok being completely dependent upon you. We love you Lord. We honor you and thank you for your love and for who you are. It is in Jesus name I pray all these things, amen.

The body of Christ: Where do I fit?

Did you know that YOU are important? 

YOU are essential.

YOU are needed.

YOU are loved.

YOU are irreplaceable.

.    Read those top five lines again.

Read them as many times as you need. You need to begin believing them.


It feels good to feel important doesn't it?

It feels good to feel a part of something bigger than yourself and have a key purpose in it.

But do you believe it?? 


Do you believe you are an important part to the body of Christ?? 


Do you believe that without you, the body doesn't function entirely as it should?

It's true. Without you, God's purposes in and through the church are not complete.You are a part of the body of Christ, designed with gifts, talents, desires, dreams, and abilities that were placed in you purposefully by the creator of the universe. How cool, right?  God has put you on this earth with a purpose.  He has a specific plan for YOU. So without you, the plan is not exactly as it was created to be.

What are your gifts?

What do you feel you have to contribute for God's glory and purpose here on earth?


Maybe you don't know. That is a common theme among many.


When someone is trying to help you discover your gifts and talents, they may ask, "Well, what are you GOOD at?" or "What do you enjoy doing?!" 


Silence...


What happens if I truly don't know??


So I dig deep and try to figure out what I have in me to offer the world around me. What am I good at?  Do I even have anything to offer? Sure, there are things I enjoy doing. I like reading, I like cooking, I like learning, I like the IDEA of a lot of different things; but that doesn't mean I'm good at them. It doesn't mean that those are things I'm gifted in.  So does that mean I don't have any gifts? 


Sadly, all too often I feel that is the truth and stand deceived.  I spend my time thinking about the things I would like to be good at, or the things I wish I could change about myself... and rarely spend my time focusing on my strengths, seeing them for what they are, and working to make them stronger. 


Today as I was reading in 1 Corinthians 12 I felt like this is something that is KEY for us to take in and believe as truth:



"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues^[b]? Do all interpret? ³¹ Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.



 As I read this, I thought about myself, and the people who all too often discount themselves, their gifts and where they fit into the body of Christ.  Maybe they feel like a toe, and wish they were a hand that actually DOES things and seems essential to the body's function. "I am not an eye, I am just a toe... and what does a toe even do??"  Maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer and don't know where to go with your life. 


Maybe you feel like you truly are not good at anything.


Take heart. The Word of God speaks the truth and it says that "YOU ARE THE BODY OF CHRIST AND EACH ONE OF YOU IS A PART OF IT." (vs. 27) So maybe you don't shine in the spotlight and have glorious gifts that allow everyone to see how great you are, but your gifts and who you are, are essential and NEEDED in order for the body of Christ to function as it was created to.


Verse 22 states that the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, (I take that as essential!) You are essential! The body CANNOT function without you and your gifts. The weaker, less glorious parts and gifts are what complete the body as a whole.


 And hear this, if you are trying to be someone else, or trying to change yourself, the place where you fit and are needed is missing YOU.  It makes a difference when you are not functioning and using the gifts God has given you...Dont compare yourself to those around you, they have also been given specific gifts and their strengths are not yours.


Still feel like you have nothing to offer?

Maybe you still feel like you aren't sure what you are gifted and talented at.  Ask God to show you. Seek him. Your gifts will not be the same as the person next to you, and the only way to find out about yourself is to seek the one who created you and knows you best.

Verse 31 says "Now eagerly desire the greater gifts." I'm no Biblical scholar, but I took this and ran with it.  For me it meant that if I desire and ask God for specific gifts, he will work in me and develop those gifts. For example: I have a heart and desire to have the gift of hospitality.  Unfortunately, hospitality is NOT something that comes naturally to me and it is not easy.  I believe that God gave me the desire for hospitality, so I frequently ask him to help me and to develop it in me.  He has provided different ways that have challenged me and helped me to learn to slowly develop this gift.  It has not been easy; especially since it does not come naturally,but I do believe God has given me this desire and if I want to develop and strengthen it, it will not just suddenly appear in me, it needs to be learned and practiced.

So maybe God has given you a heart for something but you don't feel like you are any good at it, ask him to teach you and develop that in you.

And please don't forget, the behind the scenes, less glamorous jobs, the serving, the loving, the humility, the things that sometimes seem unimportant, useless and unnoticed are the ones that are essential! God sees your heart, he sees your service and every single thing you do for others even when no one else may notice. And also remember, we are not doing things to receive glory or recognition from the people around us... Their praise is not what we should be after... We are serving and honoring the Lord with our gifts, so if he is the only one that ever sees the things you do, that is really all that matters.

You are talented.  You are gifted.  Who YOU are is important and essential to the body of Christ.  Ask God to show you what he has gifted you with.  Seek and desire gifts that you believe you have, and ones that you believe God has put on your heart for a reason. Trust God as he works in you and through you to develop and strengthen you according to his plans for your life.

Be blessed, and continue to seek your creator. He loves you and longs to spend time with you.  He LOOKS forward to your times together.

"Do not worry..."

^{Matthew 6: 25-34}

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Quick thoughts:

Unfortunately, my life is consumed with worry way more often than it should be.  I worry about the future, I wonder where Ben and I will live, and what we will do.  I think about things that are so far off and it doesnt quite make sense to think about them now.  Not only that, but sometimes I find myself worrying about something that doesn't have to be done until tomorrow, or the next day... maybe next week.  Sometimes it's something so little, but it consumes my mind. And my mind overflows as I think about all the things that I need to get done! Then I hear the quiet and faint whisper in my ear saying,

 "My child, Live in the present. Don't focus on things that you cannot do anything about right now. Don't put more on yourself than you can handle. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. Allow me to carry those burdens. Come to me. Come to me and I will give you rest from your thoughts and worries. My yoke is easy and my burden is light... Come, come and give me your worries and concerns. I will take them and turn them into peace.Those things are not something you need to think about or worry about right now. Focus on today; focus on Me. Live for today. Live in the moment, live right where you are. Enjoy the day. Enjoy each moment. Just take each day one day at a time."

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Yes, take each day one at a time. 

You can't do anything today or right now about the things in the future, so why worry about them? 

Give your worries and thoughts to Him.  He does not want you to carry more than you can handle. He does not want you to carry the things that are not meant for you to carry. Release them to Him and allow him to give you peace, rest and joy in each and every day.

Blessings to you! May God grant you peace and rest for your weary or tired souls. 

I come Humbled....

I hate feeling like I can hold nothing together. I hate feeling like I have no clue how to proceed or how to be the person I wish I was, the wife I desire to be for Ben... But I also find hope from that because I know that it is in these times that Christ can be my strength and be strong through me...


"...he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

What if everything fell from underneath you? What if all of the walls and masks you put up came down, were torn from you and you were left standing naked without anything to cover who you really were? Sounds horrible doesn’t it?  The truth is that I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am.  I fear being found out.  I know that I am not what I was created to be and surely not who I want to be.  I know that there is so much potential inside of me and yet, I can never reach it.   When everything is torn from underneath and I am left with just myself and nowhere to hide, I am afraid of what people will see and think of me. Will they still love me if they knew______? What would they think of me if they knew ______ about me?! They surely cannot know that I’m not perfect! I don’t want to be found out for who I truly am; I am not enough.

Sure, we may put up walls; we may work our entire lives building up the person who we want to, or wish we were for everyone around us. We want to look the part; we want to be the person that everyone loves and look up to. We want to be admired, and leave a positive impression on those that we come into contact with.  We want to make a difference.

So I compare myself to those around me; trying to measure up, compete and prove something to SOMEONE. Because of the intense pressure and competition I begin to build myself up with my talents, gifts, achievements, appearance, wealth, vehicles, homes, family, ANYTHING that will build me up a few notches over the person next to me.  As long as I am beating SOMEONE I must be doing ok right?? Why does life always seem to be one big competition?  We forget that life is not meant to be about competing and measuring up to someone else or someone else’s standards.  Who cares what other people think of us, they should have no say and no authority in our lives…  Though I will battle back and forth pretending that I don’t, I do care what other people think of me; I wonder what they see when they look at me and I hope that they see the good in me. I often find myself looking at other people and comparing their beauty, their body image, their clothes, their circumstances to my own.  I find myself being envious of some and wishing I had ____, and I find myself a little boosted when I see others because in some sort of way I have judged that I am better than them. WHAT?  Why do I do this?  Doesn’t scripture even say that we will be judged according to our own judgments?  Well, that is NOT good news for me (Matthew 7:1-4).  All too often I try to take the place of God, I people watch and without realizing it, I compare myself to each person that walks in front of me.  Where does this come from? Why would I do something that either brings me down, or puts other people down in my mind?  Somehow I enjoy it and am entertained by it,  I hate that.  I believe it is because when it comes down to it I am trying to figure out if I am enough; I am trying to figure if I measure up to those around me and if I have what it takes to succeed in this life. The world has sent me on a wild goose chase.  I hear the constant screaming at me from the TV, movies, billboards, magazines, etc., the screaming is telling me how I should look and what I NEED in order to be happy and succeed in life.  And the search continues… because the search is one without life and there will never be a point where I reach that which I am searching for.  This search leaves me feeling like I don’t have what it takes because clearly I’m not succeeding like those around me.  I search around me and compare in order to see if those around me “have it” or not.  Clearly I don’t have it… that is what I keep hearing and I can’t seem to find it;  maybe looking at those around me will help me figure out how to get what I need.  I keep searching, I keep hoping; hoping that my efforts, work or my gifts will somehow be enough and I will reach that (impossible) height of success and happiness.

 It’s a lost cause. I will never find what I am looking for that way.

When I finally realized that this search has been full of air, false hopes and dreams, I believe I began the true journey to discover who I am. Might I add that this journey is no simple skip through the flowers either.  This journey may be even more difficult than the first, but in a different way.  Once I realize that who I am has NOTHING to do with what I do, how much I accomplish, how successful I am at work, how much I exercise, how often I volunteer, how much those around like me, how big my home is, how successful my (future) children are, how skinny I am, how smart I am, etc., than I can begin the true journey to discovering who I am In Christ. I cannot define myself on anything apart from Christ. I cannot hold up all of my efforts and accomplishments in order to tell me who I am; those things say nothing about me. Yes, those things are mostly good, but they are not what define me, and they cannot be what is holding me up; I cannot depend on those things to define me.

Things that can be taken away from us cannot be what define us.  What happens when they are taken away?  What if you are the star athlete of a soccer team and suddenly you lose your ability to run?  What would define you? Would you suddenly lose all worth and value to your life? Would you feel lost and confused about who you are?! And what if you are the VP of a major corporation that suddenly goes bankrupt? Your success and high income no longer exist…what defines you?  What if you are dating this amazing person and you define yourself based off of that relationship; suddenly the relationship is broken off, can you find yourself and your value even though you don’t have that relationship to define you?

Maybe your identity hasn’t been placed in a sport or career.  Maybe it is something seemingly simple and so small that you haven’t even realized it.  Maybe you can do things on your own and you don’t need God because you are already talented, naturally gifted. Frankly, things come easily to you so you havent actually had to worry about any of this stuff.

No matter how sturdy any of those things seem to be, they can and will fall.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to stand when the things and achievements that we are standing on can easily fall and crumble beneath our own two feet. No matter what it is, whether a talent, gift, experience, accomplishment, ANYTHING apart from God cannot define us.

Our identity has to be solely in the Lord and who he says we are; we can never be stripped of that.

This is a hard lesson to learn.  No matter who you are, at some point you have placed your identity and defined yourself based upon different experiences, accomplishments, talents, etc., in your life.  It is not something you do intentionally; most often you won’t even realize you have done it.   But if you truly desire to become who God has created you to be, he will begin to strip you of the things that you have built your identity upon that is not him. He will take away the things that you depended on because He wants you to depend solely on Him. He will strip you of the things that you felt strong in in order to teach you that apart from him you are not strong.  It is only in His strength that you can accomplish anything.  Sure, for a short time you are capable of doing things on your own, but sooner or later those THINGS will be knocked from underneath you and you will be forced to choose what you will do. Will you search for another mask and hide yourself in something else in order to keep up the face of someone who has it all together? Or will you surrender and humbly acknowledge that you need God’s strength and without him you are nothing.  The latter is painful, but it takes you through a beautiful process of changing and becoming the person that God has created you to be.  Yes, it is painful to see that you are not who you thought you were. It is painful to realize that all you had built up has fallen to nothing.  It is difficult to see that the positive things that categorized and defined you, no longer exist and you are left standing naked in front of others… and you have nothing to hide behind. You may be forced to just be yourself and that is the best thing. It is ok if you are not perfect, to be perfect is an unrealistic expectation. And if those around you expect that of you, maybe you need new friends.  The true friends will see the real you, the broken and imperfect person, and they will embrace you as you are. And hopefully, God willing, they will feel the freedom to embrace their own imperfections and see that they are in need of God’s strength and begin to depend on him for grace and strength as well.

 It is a hard process but I believe this is where we need to come to in order to truly recognize that we are NOTHING without God.  This is where we find who we truly are and begin to discover who our God is. I believe that this is often where we need to be brought in order to realize our complete dependence on God. It is during this time that we come humbly before the Lord because we have recognized our own failures and imperfections and we can no longer hide from them. They have been put in front of our face and we can no longer hide behind the walls we have put up for so long. We can no longer hide behind our strengths because for some reason they are not there.  You don’t know where to grab hold of because everything you were holding on to has disappeared.  Grab hold of God, his strength will get you through each and every day.   As you do this you will slowly and painfully begin to embrace and come face to face with who God is creating you to be.  Be ready to embrace the imperfections and be willing to admit that you are completely dependent on God and apart from him you can do nothing.

I come Humbly accepting that I am completely dependent upon God for Everything.

On LOVE...

I should probably be the last person writing on love right now, because I feel like it is not in me. I don’t understand it. I do not comprehend the love of our God at ALL. How he loves us so unconditionally is impossible for me to grasp or wrap my mind around.

I think of the people that frustrate me, irritate me; or the people who have hurt me or my loved ones. I think about the people who are ungrateful, picky, mean, selfish, judgmental, self-centered, the liars, thieves, etc., the list goes on. When I think of those people or when they are put in my life and I have to stand face to face with them it is almost as if I have put a mirror in front of my face: I see that I am also one of “those” people in more ways than one! Despite my efforts and my goals to be this great person, I see that behind it all is the ugliness that I so often see in others. I see that I am the liar, I am the selfish person, I am the picky person who irritates others at times; I am ungrateful… I am all of those things at different times to different people. I am the things that I see and dislike in others. But how could that be?! “Those” people are the people I have the hardest time loving! Maybe even though I don’t realize it, God is showing me the things that are in me. It’s as if he shows them to me and I try to push it away and say, “NO GOD! That is NOT who I am!! Please God, help me! I want you to love me, I don’t want to be one of those people! I want to be the person who loves you and others perfectly. I want to be the one that pleases you! I want to hear the words, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant!’ Please God, tell me that I am not that person you just showed to me.”

But the truth is, I am so far from where I wish I was. I am so far from the person that God has created me to be. It is as those times that I begin to see what is really in my heart and I am discouraged and even disgusted. “How could this be? Lord, I have sought you and desired to love you more than anything! How can I be the person that is sitting back and judging those around me? How can I be speaking, thinking or looking negatively on those around me? THOSE are your sons and daughters! THOSE people are the ones who you love more than anything! Why would I ever think I am better than them in any way? Who am I Lord? Who am I to judge your children?!?!”

I see the truth that is in my heart and I am hit to the ground.  “Lord, I am so unholy. I don’t even deserve your love! I don’t even deserve to…” He stops me mid-sentence and says:

“Daughter (Son),… my love is not for those who deserve it. My love is not conditional and it is not based on who you are or what you  do or DO NOT do. My love for you is everlasting and does not waiver for anything.” I guess I have not fully received and accepted the love that God has for me, because His love is not flowing through me onto others the way it should. It puts me face to face with a mirror that shows me that I am not who I thought I was. The thoughts, the heart attitude and the actions that follow are far from what they should be and it is discouraging and frustrating to realize that although I thought I had come so far, I have missed the essential part of EVERYTHING…Love.

The hard truth is that no one deserves God’s love.  And there is such beauty in that truth. Thank goodness (no thank GOD) that His love is for everyone and not just for those who deserve it, because I would not be on the list of those who deserve it and I don’t think you would be either. It’s just that none of us deserve God’s love and yet he freely gives it. He sent His son Jesus to earth to die on a cross for our sins. Jesus was perfect, BLAMELESS, without sin and he died for our sins! Now that is love. The thing I can’t get my mind around is when I picture Jesus hanging on the cross after being beaten and tortured practically to death by these people—and he says “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:32-34). These people have just done the worst to him and they are about to kill him and Jesus prays to the Lord asking for forgiveness for their sins. WOW, we have an amazing Savior. This is a love beyond our comprehension.

We can look all throughout the 4 Gospels and see that Jesus never had anything but love for those around him. He always made time for them and found ways to show them their potential, value and worth. I would encourage you to look up the story of the Samaritan woman in John chapter 4. This woman was the type of person people would not want to be seen even speaking with. She was the “outcast” and it could ruin your reputation among others if you were seen speaking to her.  Men in particular would not speak with her, but it was also uncommon for men to speak with women in public in general.  And yet Jesus comes and speaks with her, showing her that he knows her, he knows her background, she is valuable and worth his time. Not only did he love those who were desperately alone and in need of love, he loved those who treated him as though he was nothing. Those who flogged him, mocked him, spat on him…He loved them all.  And I have a hard time loving the people who just irritate me a little? I have nothing to compare and no reason to complain:

I need a heart change.

The real thing I need is to RECEIVE the love that has been freely given to me. Once I begin to accept and receive this love with the knowledge that it is not because I deserve it or because of anything I have done, then I can begin to walk freely in God’s love. I will no longer feel that I have to do everything right in order to please God and earn his love; and I will also be able to give His love freely to those around me.  God is love, and he loves us whether we want it or not. If we accept and receive it, we will begin to allow it to flow through us onto others; yes, even the people who are seemingly “impossible” to love. Jesus also has these words to say to us:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy’. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” (Matthew 5:43-44)

That seems impossible right? To love our enemies and pray for those people who are persecuting us and making our lives more difficult?  The truth is that those are the people who need the love the most. Those people who are the hardest to love are usually that way because they do not have love in their own lives. They have not received God’s love and they may not have ever had anyone in their lives show them what real love looks like. Wouldn’t you love to have the opportunity to be the first person to show someone real love? The kind of love that they have longed and hoped for and yet never been exposed to?? It sounds appealing and exciting when you think about it, but it may not be as easy as it sounds once the opportunity comes your way. We must receive God’s love in order to truly love those around us. We cannot do it in our own strength and efforts. Remember, our human love is conditional and circumstantial; it is only God’s love that is unconditional and never-ending. So we can do it in His strength!

So maybe you are like me, and are in a place where you feel like the love is not pouring out of you; or maybe feeling discouraged about the fact that you are so far from where you would like to be.  My encouragement to you is that we are in the process of being changed and restored. God is working in us and each day he is helping us to grow stronger and to become the people he created us to be. But we also have to ask for the changes, desire the growth, seek Him and allow Him to make the changes in us and through us.  It may not be an easy process. It may take a lot of sacrificing and time…but the beauty that comes through the ashes will be worth every difficult moment. I would encourage you to watch this music video; it was an encouragement to me today!

The hope??? Watch this video:

http://youtu.be/yU2drg8FtBg

And maybe you are in a place where God is working through you and pouring his love onto all those around you, and if that is true, MORE POWER TO YOU! Praise GodJ Keep relying on God’s strength and spreading his love to everyone you meet; we need more people like you in our world, that’s for sure!!

May you be blessed, encouraged and may God pour His love all over you until it is overflowing to those around you. Go out and love someone.

MUST SEE: Lifehouse "Everything"

I'm really not much of a T.V. Junkie, but when Ben and I are traveling on the road for work, sometimes there really isnt much else to do! So tonight we watched American Idol and saw Colton get voted off. Colten was one that we liked simply because we had seen one of the first episodes where he auditioned and remembered him (we havent really kept up with much this season) But tonight I grew to like him a whole lot more. He was kicked off and had to sing his goodbye song and chose "Everything" by Lifehouse. He began the song on his knees and throughout the song raised his hands in praise to God. He even sang it out loud, "You're all I want, You're all I need, GOD, you're everything." It was a powerful moment watching and I definitely started to cry. ( I get emotional about things I'm passionate about, and seeing someone give praise to God, especially in public is something I find so amazing).

Anyways, the song that he sang reminded me of this skit. I have seen it a few times and I cry just about every time. It is such a powerful and touching video, please watch! Especially if you have never seen it!


Click Here---> Powerful skit... God loves you so much!

Who is this Jesus?!

I want to start off by telling you a story. Some of you may be familiar with it, it’s ok if you’re not…

This story comes from a book in the New Testament called Mark. Mark is one of the 4 Gospels in scripture and it tells the account of Jesus when He lived and walked on earth. Each Gospel is written from the perspective of the writer and how they heard, saw or interpreted the events and happenings of Jesus. You can find that particular story in Mark 4:35-41, the heading is titled “Jesus Calms the Storm.”

I am going to put myself in the story and pretend that I am one of the disciples telling the story from my perspective: (This is my own interpretation of the story; I of course do not know what all actually went on in the thoughts and minds of the Disciples or Jesus.)

     "Jesus is the big celebrity here in town and he has been ever since he began healing people, performing miracles, and doing things that are completely counter-cultural. He is no ordinary man, that's for sure! So of course EVERYONE is trying to follow him all around, trying to hear everything and see everything that this man does. So on this particular night after a long day of crowds, people and mobs trying to get close to listen to Jesus and his teachings, Jesus finally told us we were going to the other side of the lake.  We were tired from a long day and ready to have a little bit of time alone with Jesus and not have so many people around us; We were relieved. We got on the boat and not long afterwards Jesus disappeared down in the deck.  We were sailing smooth across the lake, for a short period of time. All of the sudden a huge storm hit us; it was as if it came out of nowhere, with absolutely no warning of danger to prepare us for what was coming. The waves were pouring over, crashing and rocking the boat as if the boat was going to crumble to pieces any second because of the power and strength of the waves.  Were hysterical and terrified! And can you guess where Jesus was? He was sleeping in the stern! Sure, of course he’s tired it HAS been a long day, but how can you sleep so peacefully through a storm this powerful?  We could stand it no longer; we were terrified and afraid for our lives,  so we went down and woke him up. “Don’t you care if we DROWN?? How can you be sleeping at a time like this and not helping?” We asked him once he woke up from his peaceful rest.

And would you believe that he didn’t seem a bit worried!?! He simply rose to his feet and spoke to the wind and the waves saying, “Quiet! Be still!” Within seconds, literally less than seconds, the raging storm was completely calm! Then he turns towards all of us disciples and says, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

WHAT?? How in the world did this guy do it? Not only does he speak and the weather obeys, he acts as if we weren’t supposed to be frightened by it! What did he expect? I wasn’t the only one thinking this in my head, we all turned towards each other once Jesus walked away and asked, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

I am encouraged by this story for a few key reasons:

1.     First of all we see the extraordinary power in our Lord and Savior; Jesus has complete control over everything, even the weather submits to His commands!  That alone makes my problems and worries seem so small compared to His power. How can I ever let myself get flustered over the small things in life when I have the most powerful creator God on my team, walking with me, and commanding the storms in my life to be “Quiet and Still”? I do want to be clear about how I see God calming the storms in our lives.  First we see that once the disciples realize the seriousness of the storm they literally GO to Jesus to wake him up. They seek him out, asking for help! They don’t just sit back and wish they weren’t in such a terrible circumstance. This teaches us that when we are struggling through our storms of life, whether they are big or small, we need to call upon Jesus; we need to seek him for help and guidance to get us through the storm.

Second, we need to believe that he is big enough and powerful enough to move on our behalf. If we are calling upon him to change our circumstances or calm our storms and yet we don’t believe he can actually do it, it won’t happen. Jesus asks the disciples, “Do you still have no faith?” If we don’t have faith that God can do the impossible and get us through the big storms of life, we will be stuck relying on our own strengths and only allowing the storm to crash and destroy our tiny little life boats.

And third, we need to trust that God knows what he is doing and that he has complete control even if the storm does not come to an immediate stop when we ask. God’s plans and purposes will not always look the way we assume or wish they would look. We may not always get the things we ask for and God may not always calm our storms right when we ask. Sometimes he may have a much better purpose with our storms. Maybe he wants to strengthen us and teach us more about trusting and relying upon him? Maybe he knows the final outcome of your circumstance and although it is horrible now, he is planning something GLORIOUS because of it.  God always has a plan and he does not waste anything. Time is in his control and if we allow him to use it, he will take all the time we will give him to transform our lives and change us from the inside out.

2.     The second reason I am encouraged by this story is because it shows that even the disciples, who were walking and being with Jesus did not understand him or truly know him. We see the disciples asking, “Who is this?” They did not even know how powerful he truly was. If the people who were with him when he was alive on earth couldn’t comprehend or explain his power, how can we today? The truth is we cannot. Jesus is not meant to be explained. Our job is not to completely understand him or make sense of all that he did. Jesus simply was. He was who he was on earth, and he is still that same person;  he will always BE. He is constant and never changes. Sometimes we feel we need to explain him to others. We feel we need to defend him or try to fully wrap our minds around him. We get discouraged and sometimes we doubt because we cannot explain it. Our small minds will never fully comprehend the prefect and awesome savior of our lives. We must call it faith. We believe in Jesus because of what we have seen, heard, experienced and because we put our faith in him.  We are not called to know everything in the Bible or about Jesus. We are not meant to understand everything on earth. RC Sproul puts it this way:

      “The King James Version expresses the question like this: ‘What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?’ The question was ‘What manner of man is this?’… They were looking for a category to put Jesus in, a category with which they were familiar. If we can classify people with certain types, we know immediately how to deal with them. We respond one way to hostile people and another way to friendly people. We react one way to intellectual types and another way to social types. The disciples could find no category adequate to capture the person of Jesus. He was byond typecasting. He was sui generis—In a class by Himself…Jesus was different. He possessed an awesome otherness. He was the supreme mysterious stranger. He made people uncomfortable” (The Holiness of God, 64-65).

The disciples were trying to categorize Jesus in order to make sense of who he was in their own minds. They were trying to place him in a box and say, “this is who Jesus is.” But Jesus did something they could not explain and they were blown away yet again. I believe that we are all guilty of that. Whether we realize it or not, we try to make sense of who Jesus is and we categorize based off of our own learning and experiences; it is not bad, we just don’t realize that our God is so much bigger than what we make him out to be. We cannot put our savior in a box, but we can study his word, and spend time with him in order to get to know him more. I believe that the more time we spend with him, the bigger our boxes become and hopefully over time our boxes will disappear. Actually, I believe we will never be able to fully know God here on earth, so maybe our boxes will never disappear in this lifetime, but it is my hope that we will get to a place where we realize that the box is there, and we kick it away and let God be God. Allow him to surprise you and completely exceed your expectations, because that is what he does! Allow him to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine! Expect big things from our huge and powerful God!

 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

Hello Hello, and welcome!!

My goodness I am excited. I get so excited when the Lord works in me, around me, or through me; It makes me excited to see what He is doing and what He has in store. Right now I believe that beginning this blog is the next thing He has in store for me.

 

If you know me, you know that I love to journal. Now when I say that, you may think the typical girl-type journals where you write all about your day, the friends that were mean to you and the cute boys that you like; maybe even the ones that looked at you or smiled your way on that particular day. But my journals don't quite look like that; (no need to worry Benny, I don’t write about any other cute boy in my life besides you, and maybe my cute little nephew Cayden!) When I journal it is a very personal and meaningful thing to me. I don't often share my journals with others because my journals are me talking and spending time with God.

 

Sure, this takes different forms each day: Some days I am praising and thanking God for who He is, what He is doing, the way that He loves me and blesses me, the beautiful things that He has created, the list goes on and on… While on other days I might be crying out to Him because I am worried, anxious, confused, stressed, or on the verge of tears for absolutely no logical reason. And still other days I might have questions or maybe I just want someone to talk with who completely understands me and wants to listen.

 

That is the best thing about talking with God and journaling; I have His full attention, He hears me, He listens, He understands even if I don’t, He cares, and He will get me through whatever it is I’m struggling with. Doesn’t that sound like the perfect friend we all wish we had?! Though I may not always feel like I hear Him, that He may not always give me the answers I want, or speak back to me, I know that He wants what’s best for me and that He loves when I come to just spend time with Him.

 

“Just SPEND time with the Lord??” You ask… “How do you simply just spend time with Him, it sounds so casual and…simple.”

 

Exactly. It is. The times that I have felt closest to the Lord have come in many different ways, so each person’s time with God will look different. For example: there was a season in my life during college where I would go to the prayer room by our chapel and just lay on the mats to spend time with Him. Sometimes in there I would read my Bible, sometimes I would pray and other times I would literally fall asleep! ( I remember one time I woke up and had no idea what time it was, how long I had been in there, or who had maybe come in and seen me sleeping!) But I would always feel at peace when I was in that room, spending time with God and being in His presence. There was also a season in my life where I studied abroad in Australia. My time with God there would be spent out by the beautiful ocean or somewhere where I could see the beauty of His creation and just be in awe as I spent time with the person who created EVERYTHING around me. Sometimes I feel close to God through worshipping, dancing, or spending time with people. And other times it has been in a room, in a car, outside, inside, ANYWHERE where I am alone and have my Bible with me.

 

My freshman year of college I took a Bible class called “Introduction to the Bible”. Little did I know that that class would change my life. It gave me a passion and a love for God’s Word and I am forever changed because of it. It also helped that I had a super amazing professor who was hilarious and brought such life, fun, enjoyment and realness to the scriptures. It began to make sense to me; the things I had learned about all my life but never really understood, finally began to come together to make a whole picture that I understood.  

 

So WHY am I telling you all of this? Well first of all, I suppose I better warn you now because you will soon find out: I tend to tell long stories, and include small details and things that aren’t important to the story. My family and friends make fun of my for it and my friend Kevin Workentein once said, “You are the only person I know who can say a whole sentence without ACTUALLY saying anything.” Though it is not something to be proud of, it is who I am and how I work… so you have been warned.

 

However, there is a point to all that I have been telling you and it is this: though there are MANY ways to spend time with the Lord and seek him, reading and spending time in SCRIPTURE is key. Spending time in God’s word has so many benefits that I hope we will touch and learn about as we journey together in this blog; but I think the greatest benefit is that we begin to get to know who our God is.

 

I like to think of scripture as a letter-of-love written to us from God. The Bible is written by humans who were inspired by God in what they wrote. So, although God may not have LITERALLY written it, the words inside are what He meant for us to have and they still very much apply to us today. “…the word of the Lord is flawless”  -Psalm 18:30

 

Scripture allows us to follow the story of God’s people, His love for them, and how He continues to draw them back to himself and bring about His plan of redemption and hope to the world. They continue to draw away from Him; rebelling, sinning and worshipping other gods; and yet God loves them and draws them back time after time. So it is a story about God’s love for us, and it is written to us.

 

So what better way to get to know God than to spend time in His Word learning more about who He is, how much He loves us, and how awesome and powerful He is?!

 

Remember that “perfect” friend that I was talking about above? Well since God is the perfect friend to us, we also must be a friend to him. How would you feel if EVERY time you hung out with a friend of yours they never seemed interested in you, they never really talked to you, never asked you questions and didn’t really seem to care about who you were?! How would you feel if you were ALWAYS the one putting forth the effort and your friend seemed to only want you when they needed something?!

 

I’m not saying that God NEEDS us, because He doesn’t. But I believe He LOVES when we acknowledge Him, spend time with him, and seek to get to know Him as we would do with any other friendship here on earth. We get together with our friends; we spend time with them and the more we are around them, the better we get to know them. I believe it is the same with God. The more time we spend in His word and in His presence, the more we begin to get to know him and the more we desire to spend time with him.

 

It is my hope to explore some of scripture with you. We can spend time with God together. My prayer is that God would speak to you; that you would leave here encouraged, challenged or uplifted because you have heard more of God’s word and listened to the truths of who our God is.

 

My prayer is that God would speak through me; that these words that I type would not be my own but that God would speak through me. I pray that this blog would be all about giving Him glory, honor and praise for who He is. And I hope that together, we can begin to get to know our Creator, Lord and Savior a little more each day.